what? you thought we'd be for mccain? come on. he's been through skin cancer, and he's 71. he's croakin'. soon.
and that's fine with us! we've been out in the cold for 35 fucking years. you see, republicans know what happened when those fucking liberals won roe v. wade. those motherfuckers put an entire industry out of business. just like those liberals. and what a good, republican business back-alley abortions are!
what- you don't believe me? back-alley abortions, like drug smuggling, is the ultimate republican-style business. first, illegal businesses don't pay taxes. my clients, all good republicans, each and every one of them, didn't pay a dime of taxes on the cash payments that desperate women paid them. the liberals screwed them. starting in 1973, abortionists had to report these payments to the government as income! and pay taxes on them! second, back-alley abortionists solved our reliance on insurance companies, without government poking its nose into a problem it should stay the fuck out of. you didn't report a back-alley abortion to your insurance company. before 1973, you had to pull yourself up by the stirrups and use your own money before my clients shoved something up your pussy. so, back-alley abortions are a great lesson in self-reliance, especially when it comes time to get to the emergency room. third reason, don't get me started on all the stupid rules of professional practice and public health regulations my clients are now unfairly and ridiculously burdened with! painkillers!? my clients just used gags. complications were the "patient's" responsibility, my clients just did abortions. consent forms? hippocratic oath? socialist burdens imposed on hardworking americans.
fourth, and most important, is the sheen of respectability we give any society that employs my clients. back-alley abortionists give everybody the ability to condemn abortion- hell, people don't even talk about abortion when it's illegal, they don't even have to admit tolerating my clients. but they do, because back-alley abortionists give people who hate abortion the satisfaction of knowing that getting rid of junior is dangerous, and can be punished in ways the law can't. those dirty whores deserve us! those sluts who were happy to spread ther legs for their own pleasure- let 'em suffer and bleed for not taking the consequences. back-alley abortionists put the fear back into abortion, and well they should- women who don't pop out every kid they conceive are fucking with god's plan, depriving another woman of a kid to adopt, committing genocide, making a choice for men (when we all know it should be the other way around)! why, the fate of women who go to my clients should actually be much worse than what it is!
so governor palin, i hope you are just as flattered and humbled at my clients' endorsement of you for (vice) president as you were when you accepted the nomination. you are, after all, going to bring us back, and we look forward to the happier, more prosperous, more moral days coming under you. to god's will!
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