well, small town america, it turns out you really are motherfucking retards. . dan hoyle, a reporter for salon.com, has filed two reports that solidify my disrepect for the "heartland", and everything it represents.
dear small town america,
let me try to explain something to you. the presidency is not a male version of miss teen usa. it's not a congeniality, superficial talent, bikini contest pageant. it's a campaign to determine who is savvy, who has the right temperment, and even (dare i suggest it?!?!?) the BRAINS, to handle a job that requires all three. hmm, let me see if i can further make this easier for you. i can't right the do-re-mi song, but maybe i can come close. the presidency- you know, of the fucking united states of america- is a job that requires actual brains. you actually do have to know some things (like who the different world leaders are, and the countries that they lead), and you definitely need to know a little something about a piece of paper called the constitution. i am, truly, sorry that you yourselves don't know enough either about the constitution, policy, or even what religion obama is. i'm truly sorry our media sucks enough that you actually still think saddam's weapons are out there, somewhere (would someone please make a video of the asshats who promote this set to the song from an american tail? fucking pretty please?) i am truly sorry that opportunities for living wages and education have passed you by. i know that the loss of opportunities in your communities is not entirely your fault. i know how discouraging it is that you feel less and less relevant to the country overall everyday.
but, have you ever considered that your relevance to the country might be tied to how knowledgable you are? let me see.... yes, i know the manufacturing jobs left, the darkies got to the lunch counter, and you've basically lost every big cultural fight, from women's rights to open homosexuality. i know what a blow to your sense of moral superiority those losses must still be. but don't you think that wallowing in ignorance and insisting your leaders do the same is the wrong way to strike back? have you ever considered that your refusal to keep up with the rest of class left you all alone in the classroom, when everyone else moved on to the next grade? do you actually think that urban americans, with their educations both in knowledge and critical thinking, should respect that you insist on believing things with no evidence, or with amazingly debunked evidence? do you think that, possibly, your jackassed insistence to see a presidential campaign as a search for a BFF might color how urban americans see you? do you really think that urban americans should respect your demand that the president "relate to you"? it's a presidential campaign, not a fucking "sex in the city" marathon. try to keep that in mind when you "evaluate" candidates. and happy moosehunting.
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